careless & skippin' stone

end.

2008-12-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

so i think im done with blogger.

http://mambomamba.livejournal.com/ instead.

rebound

2008-12-23T18:42:00.000-08:00

as much as i wanted this month to be everything this whole year was not - it didnt happen that way. but i did gain perspective on a few things. like how i have to get my ass together and start applications and essays for college. and where on earth am i going to go. and things like that. although this year, i did spend more time with my grandparents and i dont know how much longer they will be around but just watching my grandmother butter her toast, work on crossword puzzles, clean her lenses and my grandfather feed the hummingbirds, its just one of those things where you watch and go 'this is how im going to remember you'.

also, uriell taught me the world is bigger than singapore. it is bigger than school and friends and my childish musings. you make things happen for yourself. you create your own experiences and you learn, through everything. i realise i must have been born under a constellation of lucky stars because i am continuously surrounded by inspiring, intelligent individuals.

its okay this love weighs fifty men

2008-11-21T01:57:00.000-08:00

20 march 07

best friends they argue all the time

you know it when they dont talk

you cool it with some lemon lime

and make up once they end their sulk.

best friends they hug you when you cry

you feel their warmth and comfort

you hold on to them and try

to do the same when they're hurt.

best friends you know that's what we'll be

50 years down when we're only left with dentures

we'll think about how we used to be

and sail through great adventures.

- amirah lychee

its hard learning to let go of a friendship with someone you thought you knew and could trust.

i will not go to the extent and say that i have lost a friend because i think, on some level, i will always be willing to rekindle the bond that was shared by x and i. its easy to lay the blame on x and say that he/she never really proved themself but then again, it takes two. i do not know what i did or said to have pushed x so far and to have made him/her so uncomfortable but i am sorry because it was never my intention to make him/her feel lesser. i know the things you have said about me and they are ugly. when i first saw/heard i could not imagine that you were capable of calling someone you were friends with, someone whom you hung out with so often, those names. you shocked me with the things you said and you shook the foundations of our friendship. i cannot comprehend that you know we do not believe your lies, yet you do it anyway. are we so unimportant? whatever your feelings towards me are, i hold no anger towards you because i forgive you. i really do. whatever direction you decide to take with your life, i hope somewhere along the way you learn the importance of honesty and trust in any relationship.

im sad to have to let go but this has made me so much more aware of how lucky i am to be surrounded by the most wonderful friends, to have people like ami, jas and koon to help me get by. and pj & kranji peeps & my dance girls who always make life a little more interesting. and finally abby, who is so amazing i cannot describe with words how lucky i know i am.

bittersweet.

heart of the matter

2008-11-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

three things:

1. the tiny clock-man on my phone tells me its 1154. he massive suitcase at my feet is begging to be filled with more...stuff. there are a dozen or so things occupying my bed that i had so carefully organised with the intention of packing, so its probably not a good idea to crash my tired self and fall into deep slumber. so sick of squeezing tubes of unnecessary necessities into even smaller plastic bottles all for the sake of convenience.

2. there's dance tmr morning but i dont really feel like going since yixin isnt going to be there :( that and im really quite exhausted from constant worry-clouds that are hanging over me like freakin doldrums. too many things to do in too little time. hmm, sounds like school all over again. DOH!

3. i observed my boyfriend from across the table today and realised he looks like he's thinking hard about something important when he chews. he's an excellent liar because he told me he could control me with a very poker face. by control he meant ... i dont know, what did he mean? and he can't tell grape from pomegranate. here we go again baby.

forgot why i wrote this post but i do miss typing sentences (not that they make any kind of point) and not just monosyllabic replies on messenger to old timers i havent had a real conversation with in many months. i miss these people, but i really dont think talking online bridges any kind of distance at all. its not communication. to me. whatever, contradict me i dont care. might just delete this anyway.

P.S. OMG HOW ARE DAN AND ANDREW STILL IN THE RACE???? asdfghjkl;;; they have to be the 2 dumbest frat boys in the history of AR. oh god, ASU is shamed.

2008-11-11T02:08:00.000-08:00

junpei & i volunteered to perform at her pri sch for some recruitment thing and this is us practicing till late at the void deck behind my house. wow, fancy. blahh so tired but it was a success!

oh and dance was mucho fun today. for no reason at all other than there were no instructors around. ahem.

okay, and now for some good youtube.

OBAMANATORS vs. MCCAINIANCS

election dance off video. VERY COOL, PLS WATCH! one of the obamanators looks like abby. hahaha.

CHARLIE BROOKER

its all good but this one is particularly amusing.

enjoy!

sibeh HOTTT ahh

2008-11-11T01:55:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMEAN FATIMAH LONGAN TOH LE MIN

one year older, three X prettier/ fatter/ happier

cant wait for tmr :)

miss you like shizzzZ.

the sweetest thing

2008-11-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

picture credits: atheena samsuri

08A04's poolside party tues night was supre fun, hooray to the organisers (the TIPers) and also paul for being our gracious host :)

ill update more pictures when i have moreee time.

on another note, im so happppyyyyyyy today/tonight.
we got back our promo results today and everything is A-okay :)

although it is bittersweet leaving some friends behind..

but like i said im soo happy tonight nothing can bring me down.

not even the fact that i have to wake up crazy early tmr on a FRIDAY for pete's sake

or that i have to cancel on ami :( because dance is taking over MY LIFEE

orrr that ive got a million and one things to do before nov 14th

im so happy tonight

and your love is alright

and i do believe

2008-11-03T06:20:00.000-08:00

since no one reads this thing apart from ami, i shall write what i mean to say to her lest i forget this friday. hur hur.

amilooo! dont cry when you read this :)

you know how when you spend time alone just by yourself, you feel just a teeny bit insecure because you're not surrounded by people who have just the same doubts/fears/anxieties as yourself? well thats happened a lot this year and it used to be unbearable but after a while, things start to shift on their own and vague, intangible thoughts form shapes that make more sense. clarity sometimes comes at the oddest hours, but i want to say how lucky i know i am to have the most patient and understanding friend someone like me could ask for. god knows what jas and i would have done without you to whip us into shape when we were at our most pitiful states, and jali would have gone crazy wild without you to leash her funkyness. you keep me grounded and still manage to be as composed and in control of your own life, all the while fixing those around you. at times i wish i was just a little less screw-uppy and a little more wise like you. so thank you for being so supportive and for being around when i mess up. which happens a lot. so thank you thank you a million times over.

i love you!

come quick, please

2008-11-03T06:05:00.000-08:00

only 21 more days till im outta this place and

only 32 more till i see uri proft :) :) ;)

i love my profty's.

yes, no, maybe? i dont know

2008-10-27T09:29:00.001-07:00

can you repeat the question?

pick me ups

2008-10-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

best songs ever :) :) :)

2008-10-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

i saw a cute couple today and they were smiling like anything at each other, oblivious to the world around them. it was really really sweet, seeing happiness is infectious i suppose.

i stayed after in school today to finish some ridiculous malay mock paper -______________-
buttt it wasnt so bad cos ariz, zai, nadia and syahidah were there to keep me company and we talked about movies, scary stories and sex mostly. hahahaha. none of us knew what the heck we were talking about but thats half the fun :)

promo results were out on wed. mehh, i did better than expected but very disappointed with ap lit. not that its not my own fault but still. life is moving on rather pleasantly.

hope everyone is not too bummed out about promos. cheerio up people, this is not the end. wherever you end up, you will move on and live on. just keep swimming :)

2008-10-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

as promised.

so the girls came over to my place first since it was open house day :)

ahhh hello beans! nice of you to make an appearance after 9685746 years!

jas in jali's kebaya. cute as a button! ...until she ripped it a little later.

my beautiful best friend who must beat boys away with a stick.

alya tatiana, the cutest kid ive seen in a long long time.

everyone wanted to hug nadia!

im so glad we finally rounded up the ol' gang and relived some of the idiocy that defined our secondary days. oh god how i miss kranji. things were simple and clear cut and all we wanted to do was have a little fun. now everything is coded and things are left unsaid/undone and worlds are too far apart they may never collide. i wish i could say ive gotten past the insecurity and awkwardness of being in a new school, but no. instead, i wonder at how life can change so quickly in only 10 months. and marvel at how differently everything is from how i thought it would be. you know we make all these plans about who we're gonna be and what we're gonna do and who we're gonna be with, and then a couple of months down the road it hits you, oh wait - where am i again? so we destroy every plan we had ever made and unknowingly begin again, creating prophecies from the fragments of the past that will probably remain unfulfilled. koon and i talk often about the way people dont see us, the way our presence is not noticed for the most part. i give up wondering why. i dont care anymore. i just want things to change. for better or worse i dont care. im sick of stasis. of this stagnant, incomplete dwelling, aimless and unguided, drifting blind in a crowd. i am tired. exhausted that all this so called introspection is leading me nowhere. perhaps to an even deeper pit of anguish and uncertainty. mmm.. this might be the jack kerouac talking, but i think its pretty true.

To Me, And You, And You Over There

2008-10-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

Stop comparing yourself to other girls, no matter how pretty, clever, cool or cashed-up they are.

No one will ever have your unique twist of talents, perspectives or beauty.

You do enough. You have enough. You are enough.

Stop comparing yourself to other girls, no matter how talented, well-dressed, popular or capable they are.

You improve the world more than you can possibly comprehend, just by being true to who you are every day.

Go outside & be fabulous.

Watching who you are, & seeing what you’re becoming, makes us so proud to know you. The world delights in your presence.

We all love you very much.

Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala

Found this on someone's lj and thought it somewhat appropriate :)

2008-10-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

giant raya post coming soon! promise!

2008-10-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

i really liked this movie, i thought it was pretty hilarious.

"It's not your dick that's too big for French condoms. It's your ego that's too big for French condoms. And.. and Italian one's too."

haha, good fun.

i had a thoroughly good day yesterday. after a redundant 4 hours in school, koon and i explored the japanese supermarket in town which we now love. everything looked so pretty and fresh and we wanted to eat everything in sight! they had wagyu beef selling for $26 per 100g ??? and the sashimi looked incredible. and they had boursin which i havent had in forever! after ogling at a myriad of pastas and yoghurt drinks, we checked out underwear at m&s and ive decided i need more knickers. they had a really pretty collection of underwear and lingerie and we stood staring at all the coloured underthings we couldnt afford. next we hung out at borders where i got an essential holiday read. i realise how i dont read much anymore, material besides the periodicals that we get every week and i felt a little overwhelmed standing in the middle of all the towering bookcases. after that i went to visit jas at her workplace! we caught up while flipping through gossip mags but i had to leave early for dance :(

i was running a little late and was expecting everyone to have started warm ups but when i entered the dance room, i only saw ms kate and 4 other dancers sitting around. it was kind of a bummer that everyone decided not to turn up. there was a lot of disappointment in the air but we talked for a while, just the 5 of us, and i think we cleared some stuff up. after ms kate left there wasnt much to do so we fooled around and tried new moves, which for the most part didnt work. and janelle taught us the madonna dance which we soo suck at. "so fast, so fast!!" i love my dance girls, i really do. its a shame though that not everyone is as committed to our team as all of us would like. we have some things in our club that need to be sorted out, but i think we can get past it and prove to be a sisterhood if we really try. thats my take anyway.

nothing incredibly exciting happened yesterday but i loved that i was finally able to do what i wanted instead of having to go home and study. promos were really exhausting and i dont even want to think about result day. but all is well because ive got a stack of new books (i went back again this morning to get more, ha ha) to hit and a bunch of old friends to meet. oh and a happy hari raya to everyone! i cant wait for next sat :)

happy weekend!

reorganisation

2008-10-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

mmm...im almost back on track. too much stuff to sort out, make out, throw out.

i see you once a year. and on the one day i place my hopes of catching your eye, you dont show up. i always assumed you would figure it out sooner or later. 11 years. how can you still not know?

2008-09-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

bi-annual ac nights. oh yumm.

this was ages ago but i never got around to it. theres so much stuff i havent updated and so many pictures i havent shared. theres so much i havent done. like study. promos are a week away and im not done studying anything. oh no, oh no, oh dear no. but on the bright side, my flight to san fran is booked! and it'll be the first time i fly solo, pretty nervous. anywhoos, ive lost all interest in csi, the storylines are going from -_- to -____-. as is with all other tv shows, including greys :<

and i finally got around to watching in the wild. it brought up issues and made me think deep about how everyone has their own story and how its true that happiness is not found in human relationships alone. i do believe that in the end, love is all we have to come back to. you love because something inside told you that there was something in that person or in that place worth appreciating. but i think its when you find love in someone, that it changes you. i can think of two people that have made me think of love in a different light, the way they viewed the world and their place in it. they were neither lovers nor friends and we have never spoken about it but i learn so much from the way they act and love and live. i dont know how to make that sound more profound or if that makes sense but there you have it.

thats all from me tonight. goodnight people, :)

bothered

2008-09-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

and falling behind.
and losing touch.
and hurting.

___

"In some other world, in some other time, could you have loved me?"
"I know only one world. And in this world, i have loved you."

out of nowhere, i know. but elizabeth: the golden age had such good costumes.

twice as much ain't twice as good

2008-08-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

confrontation and contemplation. introspection and intervention. where do i start and where do i end? or perhaps there is no end. what little i have learnt these few months have made me appreciate a lot of the small things ive never really stopped to notice before. i cannot honestly say that i regret any decisions i have made, they've all played out and who was i to have ever doubted destiny. i have so much more to understand about this small part i play in the universe but in truth, i believe i will find myself in god's palm someday. if it were meant for me.
the art of being is ...

you finish that one.

poppies! pinatas! pretzels!

2008-08-21T05:38:00.000-07:00

9 things to smile about,

ANTM is on in an hour.

The weekend is upon us!

Dance tomorrow :)

Dinner with Nishy tomorrow :)

Saturday :):):):):)

3/4 essays done!

Econs test is overrr!

I love my PW mates!

I got my brows done today and no longer look like

!!!!

busy but fruitful weekend ahead.

i have a nagging feeling that something i said about a certain important someone may come back to haunt me. in like a majorly unpleasant way. oh mann.

happy friday!

lilies

2008-08-16T23:40:00.000-07:00

there's so much to do before 7.40 am tomorrow!! GAHH. i have no life now. school & dance eat up all my daylight then by the time i get home i have an hour to shower/eat/catch up on the olympics (which is crazyy addicting to watch yo!) before i have to start (very unwillingly) completing assignments. and i dont know why but recently i just cannot get through a school day with 4 hours of sleep. by 3pm im already like zzzzzzzz -_- and weekends are reserved for sleep and then more assignments and the occasional study jaunt. BORING! i dont see my girls anymore and i havent gone out since 1985 mehhh its quite lame.

but i know this cycle has to continue for the next year and a half because i want to get accepted into *** so badly. so badly. i would do anything, ANYTHING! to get there. but it hasnt all been bad. ive got my classmates and my dance girls to keep me going :) and we got some pretty positive responses to our pw idea which is so exciting! after 5 months of ....i dont know...how do you describe pw? it sucks alll your energy and its like you can feel your mind ebbing away from exhaustion. i cant find a better analogy, sorry.

i want to update about so many things! but everytime i start, i hesistate, then decide to delete everything because...well... nothing here is ever private.

a million things to do these days but in these its-mid-week-kill-me-now kind of months, i find comfort with the usual feel-good gang; amos lee, neil young, springsteen, jones.

giddyup people, only 5 weeks till promos.
:(

monday blues

2008-08-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

finally logged in to my facebook acct after 5000 years and wooow so many peeps are doing the whole cross-country-checking-out-colleges thing. nyu, columbia, upenn, usc, bu, yale, umaryland like holy mama what i would give to be there and roam around historic campuses and mimick the IL accent and blush at every prep boy who comes my way, yowzer! im really happy for some of my friends who got early acceptance into usc or someplace, i mean thats insaaane, but im also a little jealous that the opportunities dealt to them dont get dealt to everyone else. but hey, its just another one of the million things we have to accept.

this is my life now. this is my life now. this is my life now.

what a crap mantra.

for the 87th time

2008-08-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

the weary in my voice continues
to permeate,
even after the lips are still.
i surrender, wilfully,
from these endless questions
and deficient explanations.

i let thoughts approach,
medicine men in need of a patient,
and allow them to purge the words
that have failed me thus far.

soon fatigue fades and
i am left with stillness.
i am told, that this muteness,
if i listen hard enough,
are the remedies for my dispirited mind.

no, this isn't a very good place to be. there are many chambers of complete silence within me now, and none the kind that bring any peace of mind. i dont understand myself, and i sure as hell dont think you do either. i guess its just one of those nights, again.

oh no

2008-07-27T02:52:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!

saturday was the highlight of my week/month,

zomg hilarious like ****,

"do your TANG!"

supre demented, i tell you.

if you're a girl and need new clothes,

talk to me online! and ill give you more details.

2008-07-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Dear jas & ami,

You guys are two of the bestest friends ill ever find.

I love that there is never much to say between us because its already known.

I never thought nothing would change, but here we are.

We'll always have kranji, my room, birthdays, new years and the random in-betweens.

This year has changed so much for all of us,

We're heading in such different directions.

But wherever we end up, we'll always have us.

Jali!

JC without you is no fun at all.

No more laughing at our math teachers, eating 24/7 in class,

Getting dirrty in art, breaking into dance at every beat, bursting out into song.

daymm homie, in high school you was the mann homie, what the fuck happened to you?
yes you vulgar sexbomb, i miss you.

for the world we live in

2008-07-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

tonight i am wandering through my imagination... i want to ride a bike through the Dorset woods and jump into the Equinox pond via the tyre-swing. i want to take a road trip through 66 and end up somewhere breathtaking. i want to run through the lemon orchards of Sicily and dive along the coast of Sardinia. i want to jump on a jeep and scope the plains of Kenya. i want to sit on a bench with coffee in hand and watch the world go by. i want to take bus rides to nowhere and navigate my way home. i want to talk through smiles with someone who doesnt speak the same language. i want to roll down hills of green and bump into a meandering sheep. i want to cook all day and bake all day and eat everything in sight. i want to build a library of my own with ladders and plush couches and an array of curious bookmarks for every day of the week. i want to gather all my friends under a giant gazebo and sip lemon juice on a blistering day all the whilst talking about the past, present, future. i want to grow up and still be able to laugh like a child.

days where you dont really do anything lead you to this. i am so happy all that runs through my mind is music. i dont have much to be glad about, but then i have the whole world to be thankful for. before i sound too much like im on LSD, ill end here.

happy wednesday people.

2008-07-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

you cant start a fire,

you cant start a fire without a spark

this guns for hire,

even if we're just dancing in the dark.

heart of gold

2008-07-15T05:12:00.000-07:00

im happy tonight.

monday was so nice, jared & i and a whole pjc contingent stormed into kranji for the jc talk and that didnt go very well but neverthehay. i am such a terrible public speaker my face goes all red like a baboons kaboose and i talk really really really fast and then forget what my point is. haha, oh dear. but all ended well cos i met FAZA MAHIRAH after 975867467 years!! faza and i were best buds in secondary 2 and we were so crazy about all the same bands that are now long forgotten hahaha except maybe creed. oh yeah! 3 DOORS DOWN IS BACK FAZA!!! she told me all about the million hot bods that roam cj and i told her all about the 0 hot bods pj has. wth, so unfair. but anyway, we kept making fun of all other jc speakers haha, cos we're really just jealous. and then one stupid kranji boy actually shhhhhed us. how rude! whoo wee shut my mouth slap your grandma.

after kranji, a whole bunch of us went for dinner and it was so fun just being with old mates again and not caring about where the conversation was going because nowhere is a pretty good place to be in anyway. and we all ganged up on jared and i made some pretty mean comments, HAHAHAA im sorry jared i didnt mean what i said...well, not all of it anyway :) so there we were laughing so hard till my jaw hurt and i miss kranji days now more than ever, like all the people and the faces i used to see everyday...:(

okay, i dont know why im high on serotonin but its a nice feeling and my love is enough and i will be allright and all this may be cryptic to you but it makes perfect sense to me.

happy wednesday :)

feel good

2008-07-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

hello world, im walking on sunshine now and i dont know why. ive got so much stuff to do but all i can think about is how good life is. i mean, its not, but right now, it is.. does that make sense? i did a lot better for my mid-years than i thought i would and i half cant believe the results i got are mine and half think i got what i deserved. in any case, im so thankful, thank you God, thank you universe. im so driven now to work my bum off for the next 9 weeks till promos. ahh, this train just ain't stoppin yet. the later half of this week was fun, koon and i spent the days pretty much laughing at ourselves and dance pracs were so intense this week it was very coolio.

ive been looking at schools all over and i read somewhere that monthly living expenses in college go up to like $2700. what the hell. where am i gg to get all that money, plus tuition plus texts plus plus plus so many other things? ai ya ya ya lets just focus on school now ana, please stop your meandering mind. yesterday was our last AP lecture and im gg to miss talking about existential angst. haha, how contradictory. AP means a lot to me, it made me think about my own existence and what kind of person i want to be. i have an idea and im still working on it and thats why i know i need to leave this place for a while after next year. i just need to be in an environment where im truly on my own and i need to prove to myself that i can be independent and i can rely on myself. theres just so much to learn and i cant do that here, what with all the comforts i have and the mindset im in right now i guess is a hindrance too. oh, whats with all this i-dont-want-to-be-an-adolescent-anymore-i-want-emancipation and why has it hit me so hard these past few months. its an obnoxious thought that lingers on no matter what.

i havent been writing very much and im quite sad about that, cyril wong would scoff. keep trying to come up with something prolific but uhh...not happening.

okay, thats all, i just wanted to let you people know im not floundering in a sea of spare parts and broken hearts anymore. that doesnt mean im over anything, im just swimming away from it all towards dry land.

im off my sorry ass and kicking back.

_

oh norah

2008-07-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

wake me up when its over,
wake me up when its done,
when he's gone away and taken everything,
wake me up.

wake me up when the skies are clearing,
when the water is still,
cause i will not watch the ships sailing so,
please say you will.

if it were any other day,
this wouldnt get the best of me.

but today im not so strong,
so lay me down with a sad song,
and when it stops then you know ive been,
gone too long.

but dont shake me awake,
dont bend me or i will break,
come find me somewhere between my dreams,
with the sun on my face.

i will still feel it later on,
but for now id rather be asleep.

_

sun on my face

2008-07-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

what a place to be. ive been thinking all morning about how much im going to miss you. you know how much i hate it when i cant do anything to change your mind or change where we are, and so i guess ill have to learn to live with disappointment and accept the silence that will reside between us from here on out. 4 years later, we're still no closer to any dream we'd ever had but that's okay because it was defining, you became my rock and my anchor and my salvation. its going to be hard to comprehend that we are not us, we are you and i. but its going to be okay, because you said so, and i believe in you like nothing else.

school starts tomorrow and im in no mood to start advancing from this secluded island but nishy and amilo are coming to save me soon... in his banged up automobile, hoorah, hope at last.

_

2008-06-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

i miss you cuckoos.

life summed up

2008-06-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

i am so relieved this week is almost over, the past 4 days have been so mentally and emotionally draining it was insane, i had to keep popping aspirin just to keep my headaches from throbbing all the contents of my brain out. ugh. but my mom was so sweet and she kept trying to calm me down and was all like ana, you need to leave this to the universe. haha, i love you ma. this is quite a ridiculous place to be in cos its only mid years and im not even half way to a's yet. oh dear, thats not very comforting.

anyway, as usual, studying for ap lit got me thinking about how important physical journeying is to conquer the spiritual quest, which is why im hoping and praying ill do well enough to get to go to england because i just want to get out, out, out and away from here where unimportant things get in the way of life and where the orchestra of anxiety is playing on repeat. and then after that it will be off to san fran where everything is always dandy and then arizona where ill get to spend days and days doing nothing but sitting on the patio watching the javelinas and quails passing by, soaking up a book under the beautiful blue desert sky.

nye nye nye

2008-06-20T23:31:00.000-07:00

hur hur hur im so down and out, under-the-sea-bed kind of down because my mid-years start on tues and i am soo soo not ready. im so afraid to touch econs because its just like one monstrous pile of ....stuff, stuff and more stuff. whyyy do i always do this. mehh. i think ill get an A for math but thats about it. i can foresee my result slip:

Econs S
Lit D (zomg, must must MUST get DDD if not cannot go to london bridge WAH SEI LAH)
CSE E (haha, i will die laughing if i get anything above an E...E is for excellent btw)
Math A+ (hahaha, spent so much time on this ID BETTER SEE SOME RESULTS)
GP B

what mighty aspirations i have. i realise my posts have been scarily immature but im not sorry. i just feel like a big baby these few days and i felt even worse when i saw this one guy's poem about turning eighteen, which is coming soon you know...bleh i dont want to grow up and at the same time i do so badly want to stop becoming some uniform-going stoodge. all these confusing/conflicting emotions are why i have got take it easy on repeat on my ipoddy.

Well, I'm running down the road tryin' to loosen my load

I've got seven men on my mind,

Four that wanna own me,

Two that wanna stone me,

One says he's a friend of mine

Take it easy, take it easy

Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy

Lighten up while you still can don't even try to understand

Just find a place to make your stand and take it easy

Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Glendale, Arizona and its such a fine sight to see

It's a boy, my Lord, in a flatbed

Ford slowin' down to take a look at me

Come on, baby, don't say maybe

I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me

We may lose and we may win though we will never be here again

So open up, I'm climbin' in,

Take it easyyy

okay, so i tweaked it a little bit

tête-à-tête with mama

2008-06-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

the contours of her face
tell me stories she never could,
ringed coffee stains on napkin.
the tides of my questions
crash hard against an unyielding
bastion.

age does not cripple pride,
nor tenacity.
she continues folding her laundry,
i am merely lint on her sock, who notices
the thin green spiders that spread
lazy, long limbs over
the creases in her skin,
and thinks them art.

if i will ever be,
a mama myself,
i think i would not be
as evasive and austere.
but then i would not be,
as sensible as she,
for all good children never know
their mothers heart.

jorgeous

2008-06-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

i feel i must express how grateful i am to have met seah koon lay. you are one reason why i have not quit jc (okay, you and mr sas's sexy body) and why i am still bordering sanity. thank you for being you, for being so real, not many people are. i can finally be 'philosophical' with someone who understands the gibberish that spews from my weary lips. i would have died without you in pee(Eee)jc. but dont be so pessimistic can! people say pretty means pretty LAH! we dont even have a picture together but thats okay i dont have very good track records of taking pictures with important things in my life (example, my cutesome pussycat who has gone over the hills and far away, ex-bf's ,etc etc). i dont know maybe im not a picture person which is wierd cos im vain as hell. OH YEAH, which is probably why my future husband must also be a good-ish photographer who can document our life. well, me in particular. and our kids too....of course. oh dear, spewing gibberish overflowing nonsense what a catastrophe. hows about some poetic rambling?? i hear a loud sigh, guess that means YES!

falling up the stairs filled with a thousand cares

2008-06-15T07:41:00.000-07:00

as promised.

nadia & leon
:)

joy! nicest girl ever.

my giant kaboose.

twisted.

hahaha...more derrier's!

poor dears.

oh i think it was at this point where cleo was like, ANA GET YOUR SWEATY THIGH OFF MY HAND RIGHT NOW. hmm..never got that kind of reaction before. HAHAHAHA.

joyful :)

mohan knows it.

1, 2, 3...peh!

boring alumni meeting (oops!)

gah, saturday was such fun, missing all other CAPpers who didn't turn up for lame reasons like "studying". pssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttt. i know ya'll are like gifted and sungguh rajin but puhlease, one day of fun will not dent any efforts towards academic excellence.

2008-06-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what will your first reaction be?
aww…why’d he do that?? cry lahh.

#2 If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
the next lisa ling OR “hello and welcome to bloomberg live”

#3 If you win $1 million, what would you do?
pay off college! then travel the world with my familio!

#4 Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
scared, nervous, but very very excited.

#5 What's your ideal lover like?
a gentlemen, intelligent, a great sense of humour, cute like how orked’s father in sepet is cute, a good cook, reasonable handyman, scrabble/golf-obsessed, IS NOT OBSESSED WITH GAMING EW EW ewww biggest turnoff EVER, a good kisser and hugger, and very very understanding, a musician would be very hot but that’s just like a bonus if im a good girl

#6 Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved by someone, nothing can compare.

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?
I couldn’t say, im extremely impatient.

#8 If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
h.o.p.e. haha

#9 Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
yes lots but who cares.

#10 Are you in love or being loved now?
one of the above.

#11 How do you see yourself in ten years time?
finally settling down to start a family with an amazing partner, after resigning from my super awesome career.

#12 Who are currently the most important people to you?
my parents, brother, my 4 friends who are closest to me, and my role models.

#13 What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She's funny and beautiful and a bit fanatical about shopping but I love her to bits.

#14 Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
married and poor, but the guy better be damn fantastic.

#15 What's the first thing you do every morning?
breakfast! Cannot function without food.

#16 Would you give your all in a relationship?
I don’t know…doesn’t that depend on a lot of things?

#17 If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
maybe not outright but id make it pretty dayyyyyymmmmm apparent.

#18 What type of friends do you like?
the kind that I can really let loose and be free with.

#19 What type of friends do you dislike?
ones who break their promises time and time again.

#20 What would you name your children in future? (Give 1 boy, 1 girl)
Amir, Imran, Nadine, Madina, Yael, Eva, Norah

I tag: HAZWAN!!

CAP reunion-thing pictures SOON.

fourAwesomesss

2008-06-07T06:51:00.001-07:00

my awesome possum class, kranji would have been d.e.a.d. without you.

a little older, a little wiser.

durian fest (ewwwww)

excuse the drunken neanderthal look. haha, terrible! i was mid gang-signing.

boyzos + stephhy

have loads and loadss of CAP pictures but i know you WONT appreciate so nvm. theres an alumni meeting this saturday i CANNOT waiittt to see everyone again!! YAYYYYYYY CAPpers! reunited cos it feels so goood...

OMG A BEETLE JUST LANDED IN MY HAIR THAT WAS FREAKKKKYY SHITT.

love is always seventeen

2008-06-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

Monosyllabic replies and apathetic conversation,
Dismay droops deep.
I push and pull,
Again and again but
Am not greeted with any comfort
Of ardour acknowledged.

the wiser and more sensible side of me is telling me to stop this nonsense but the heart always wins, even against better judgement.

hopeless romantic

2008-06-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

the second video sucks but the song is so so beautiful i just had to share. oh my god, the story is so enthralling and enchanting its made me fall in love with love. haha, what a quixotic statement, where'd all my cynicism go?

"Please allow me to wipe the slate clean. Age has no reality except in the physical world. The essence of a human being is resistant to the passage of time. Our inner lives are eternal, which is to say that our spirits remain as youthful and vigorous as when we were in full bloom. Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the alpha and omega. An end in itself."

melo, ana, MELO!

2008-05-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

hello my darling dumplings!! im back!!

but before i snuggle into my much missed bed that smells like fresh laundry and not of musty cupboard (at last!) i feel i must pen (type) my thoughts down on what was a wickedly amazing experience, CAP 2008. the 5 days i spent with other kids from gep and like the super elite schools were 1) intimidating as hell 2) probably the best thing i have ever done for myself. the theme of CAP this year was Healing Silence so naturally, a lot of emphasis on seeking inner tranquility. we had really really interesting plenaries by Jill Dawson who is really funny and interesting and gives great talks!, Cyril Wong, Singaporean poet-genius, Suchen Christine Lim, the funniest and most outspoken old lady i have come to meet. there were alot of other speakers and stuff but these were the 3 that really spoke to me. these 5 days away from school, the comforts of home, my laptop (which was strangely enough not missed at all), chocolate (yes i went 5 days without the basis of my existence - no withdrawal symptoms if you want to know) and friends were nice in a way i got to hear myself think. for a long time i think i was too caught up in ... stuff, but these few days in retreat from my 'comfort zone' gave me time to clear my head of the needless mumbo jumbo nonsense they teach us in school and allow the writer in me to speak, after a long slumber. CAP was such a spiritual-discovery-ish type thing for me because it justified my passion. it taught me that yes, i am a writer, yes, this is who i am and what i love to do because it pulverizes the nuggets of angst and happiness and confusion and enlightenment and other teenage wisdom that lurks in the murky waters of my wasted mind. equally important was how i became inspired by some amazing student leaders/ people/ poets/ writers/ friends i know. i have the utmost respect for these people and i think ive learned alot about the kind of person i want to be just by seeing them so passionate about something they love.

okay, enough syrupy reflections. the things (summed up) i will remember from CAP 2008 are...

(will update soon -too tired to see what im typigunhhgfs_

anger has a new outlet

2008-05-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

Abrupt ending.
An obnoxious finale, the beginnings
Of a rude awakening.
No,
We are not the same.

The long pauses of burnt emotions
That the heart is afire.
But the tongue extinguishes
All hope of vanquish.

So farewell for now,
I am letting go.
Till i feel this way again
Same time,
Tomorrow night.

forgive my lackluster, feeble attempt, i believe its called 'writer's block'.
the source?
the incompetent male species.
oh wait, its time to stop complaning.
fine.
lets blame it on an incompetent mind.

all i want to do is hide under the covers and dive into Steinbeck.
and Buck, and Atwood, and the rest of my neglected bookcase.
the words, pills to take me far far away.
i want to sit under a maple tree and write my heart out.
i'll use my pen and scratch my initials in till amber seeps from the wounded bark.
or maybe the bees and i could come to some agreement,
then i could have complete access to honeycomb.
thats all i want really.
to embrace art, and life.
or the art of life.
who knows these days.

what word is there to explain paroxysmal outburts of hollow?
insanity?
yes, i believe so.

2008-05-11T03:42:00.000-07:00

dinner and coffee with poops and pudge on sat night was super fun. they came home with me cos i was too chicken to face an empty house, hahaha. yay for impromptu stayovers! we watched rush hour 3 and like the beginning of good luck chuck which is really weird btw before nishy left and ami and i stayed up talking talking talking. nishy woke us up at 7am and we went across the street for breakfast. thats pretty much it although its never really it theres always something more to say that cannot be said for fear of impropriety or whatever other ridiculous excuse i have made for myself. me no make sense? yes this is an effect of constant stress and the recent pangs of guilt and hurt and heartbreak and lets see oh yes more guilt. im such a @#$%$ for being so indecisive and i have a very bad case of switcharoo and i hate this so much about myself but i dont know what to do about it. its not like guys are any better and frankly im quite sick of them right now. shoo.

anyway, im getting very good at going on 4 hours of sleep.

2008-05-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

just because.

tralalaa

2008-05-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

guess who got into CAS babyyy. woooohoooo NUS here i commeee!

this is for koon lay :)

love, you WILL get over this horrible period.
and you WILL be stonger,
and you WILL be happy.
and then you can shove everything back in his face.
okay?

okay!

later gators.

HAHAHAHAHAHASOBHAHAHAHASOB

2008-05-04T01:01:00.000-07:00

took a 5 (50) minute break from my effed up malay project and was browsing through my folders and saw allll the pictures taken from like sec 2 onwards. zomg we were like the biggest retards ever zooming all over chinatown to find a subject for our art project and jali ended up 'trying' to help this chinese cardboard collector who kept shooing her away making it almost impossible for us to take a good photo. HAHAHA, REMEMBER THAT JALI???? and then we ended up in some random taoist temple taking pictures by an urn or something. and then how we went to wild wild wet when it was a rainy day and made such fools of ourselves and my bottoms slipped off and i was frantically trying to find them underwater and was SUPER FREAKED OUT standing near ppl wearing goggles haahaa DONT LOOK YOU BASTARD! and then during ms sha's wedding where we were stupid enough to wear 4-inch demons and ended up crying all the way there and back. AND ALL OUR RAYA trips to like nobody's house and we just ended up at jali's house eating the day away. AND ALL THE DAYS WE STAYED AFTER SCHOOL to study during the last 2 months before the o's and it was ramadan so we were almost dying by 4pm and we kept trying to keep each other awake with promises of chocolate and green tea. AND THE WHOLE OF JULY LAST YEAR when we slogged in school on our fucked up art projects trying to get it right, trying not to freak out, and the ending up having lots of fun cos thats where we met NISHYYYY. AND DANCE! omg can you believvveee i miss dance??? well only sab, aznita and azila but stilll... they were soo funny and we had such fun during the whole syf period. and the rest is history. time flies when youre having fun. oh dear i miss all you poop faces. ALL. even the ones i didnt q like secretly because you were so goddamn irritating. hahahaha.

SITI RASHIDA, SARAH, RUZ, IZZATIE, SAL-O-MAH, FAZA!!!! you guys were my first friends in kranji and i am so ever grateful you guys made my first year awesome and I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ALL ARE NOW!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha, faza all the times we went to your house after school to watch sadistic japaneses horror films were awesome ill never forget.

OKAY BACK TO 'ringkaskan isi penting artikel yang dipilih..........'
dieeeee.

V for Albert

2008-04-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Look away and i still see,
Not one feature erodes over time.
You unnerve me with confidence and comfort,
You are never unhappy or unsmiling.
I’d like to trace the outline of your immortal face.
I’d like to be tender and sweet and loving and all that is deserving of you.

Look away and do not linger,
My every feature forgotten in a moments encounter.
You feel insecurity and helplessness,
And you do not understand these things.
As glorious as you are in all that you are,
You are simple .
And even if it were not for all the other flagrant factors,
This comparison alone would be enough to drive an ocean between us.

don't we all know at least one Albert?

bonjour!

2008-04-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

happiness :)

last night, koon lay and i went to watch the pride & prejudice play put up by the acsian theatre with other lit pioneers and ami and her school came too so it was like family meeting family :):) but anyways, the play was FANTASTIC. there was singing and dancing and lifting and dancing and the acting was very excellent. plus, cute guys in audience - even morrrre excellent! my old primary school friend played charlotte so we reunited after the show and it was soo nice to see her again. the play ended late so koon lay and i took like 2 hours to get home -_- but she was so funny we laughed so much on the train and then we met danny who was still in his sch uniform (!?!?!???) at one a.m. haha, wierd!

today wasnt special but i ate the whole day nonstop so it might have contributed to my feeling satisfied now i dont know. oh who cares. since im dancing up with the stars tonight, lets give you a treat! theres a folder on my desktop labelled poetry and other nonsensical ramblings soo lets go there!

enjoy!

pulling an all nighter

2008-04-24T04:16:00.000-07:00

today was horrible. one disaster after another, it was like colliding head-on with monstrous waves of stress. ive got so much work to do and insomnia is starting to take its toll. oh dear, 2 years of days like today and i might implode from all the sucking of brainpower. anyways, my mom is so so sweet. she knew i had a bad day so she pitted the seeded grapes that she accidentally bought for me. and she pitted ALOT!! now that i have food, its off to work for me!

a world of what ifs

2008-04-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

procrastination will do this to you.

heee :)

Dickinson

2008-04-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

The words the happy say
Are paltry melody
But those the silent feel
Are beautiful --

"Love very funny..man bite girl's neck because she have beauitful legs!"

2008-04-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

I realise life throws me some pretty big obstacles every two years...at least for the past 6. Every change meets with some hostile reaction or other, but they always turn out to be turning points in my life, for the better. What is the universe trying to tell me??

Today I caught a glimpse of rarified beauty in the smile of a boy i had least expected something like this to come from. Love comes in the strangest forms.

I've got a major cse essay to complete, 8 ridiculously intangible poems to annotate and a million other things to do. oh dear lord! best be going, have a happy thursday :)

lovely

2008-04-14T04:35:00.000-07:00

I had a great morning :)

Woke up to the chaos of finding my collar pin, ditched the search half-way and enjoyed the last of my chocolate croissants before zooming off to school. Morning lesson were enjoyable and stress-free, mostly cos I got really good test results. Yay! Break was nice I spent 10 minutes enjoying the sunshine, it was a beautiful morning! Afternoon lessons passed quickly and before I knew it, school’s out! I love Mondays cos our breaks only coincide with that of other arts classes, so the café and canteen were practically empty, which is always nice. Took a bus to town with 3 funny classmates and scavenged 3 cd stores before I finally found pa’s birthday present. Yeah, the album is that ancient. After a super satisfying afternoon coffee fix, I zoomed back to cck to meet the girls. It was jassy’s first day at school, haha! It was good fun, ami chopped all her hair off so that was new plus we had loads to talk about.

Nothing to this post but I had a happy day and I just felt like sharing it. What with all the depressing posts lately. Haha, and yay no school tmr which means I can finally get a good nights sleep and wake up early for a morning run and then gain all the calories back by fixing myself a super duper awesome breakfast. Mmm.. life is good again.

reality

2008-04-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

its difficult to comprehend every new day that is faced. i know my 'troubles', if they are even worthy to be called as such, are nothing to the predicaments of the world. but still, it is hard to fathom that today is not yesterday. that i am no longer to wear a green skirt or able to seek solace in a place where faces are familiar and i am not aloof. if i had known 3 months ago, where i would be today, i think i would not believe myself. im not even talking about my school. my school is great, i quite like it actually. only the people, i wish, could disapparate. its silly things i think about at night before i sleep. i imagine what he will look like next to me and i can place a face on him, it is always the same face. its silly things i think of in the morning, while im in the shower. are humans considered amphibious since we have to learn how to swim and the ability is not particularly inborn in us? am i using too much soap? i think id like to live in the 1800's. id have nothing to do all day but read books and take walks and write. travel in my carriage and call on acquaintances. id probably be married by now, maybe even expecting a baby. would i be happier if life were simpler? i think so.

sometimes i think there is no point in what we do. we dont seek education as an employment for the mind. we seek it as a means of transportation, if you like, to a good job and to a life where we will not have to worry when the next paycheck is coming. we have no time to see the sunset or the sunrise, or even to watch the world around us go by. if this is what life is going to be like, chasing after the next thing, always trying to answer the question: whats next?, then im not sure that i can say with any passion or conviction, that i love life.

i dont want to know what comes after. i want to experience today first. leave me and my present alone. there was something in the book i was reading that mentioned freedom is only an imaginary circumstance. it is only a theory. we are never fully free of anything; responsibilities, appointments, choices. it is a futile attempt, we will always be controlled either by our judgement, morals, emotions or some higher point of authority.

so really, what is the point? death is an unavoidable fate, what does it matter if we earned this much and not that much? what does it matter if your name is ang and mine williams? we both breathe from the same organ, our hearts beat to the same rhythm. your every feature is alike with mine. your mind is no more or less capable of the things mine are. so what differentiates us? so many would say culture, race, upbringing, character. are these really the things you first notice in a person you meet for the first time? or is it the colour of their hair, the clothes they wear, the way they walk and talk?

these thoughts dont flow. they are only the thoughts that accompany me on my way to school and before i go to sleep every night. they are all i can turn to when the faces that i once sought so much, have now gone.

stupid high-tech digital world

2008-04-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

i get so aggravated when i try and do something on the computer and have to face the fact that i am a technological dinosour. what the fuck. whats with all the gyhgryf//7586hbucb jrfu:: hyfgetyrhy1647356ccchbryfh codes????????????? its EXTREMELY maddening.

2008-04-03T04:37:00.000-07:00

hellarr people.

i have an essay to write on aktivis budaya melayu but umm....what? yeah, exactly. Life has been exceedingly mundane but lets not go into that again. The highlight of my week would probably be getting this months ed of tVogue. hahaha. where are the people you need when you need them? bugging question but very rhetorical at the same time. school sucks very very much i quite wish sometimes i had forgotten the whole tertiary education thing. its so overrated, the people in it even more so. there are only a few things to look forward to each day 1) lessons because sometimes, they're rly quite interesting like econs WHAT, THATS HOW IT WORKS??? and because lecturers are funny 2) koon lay because she's sweet and we agree on most things 3) ariz because he's like the nicest nicest guy i have ever ever met. how anyone could be so sweet i dont know but his every word comes out with sugar crystals sprinkled on top. anyway, ive recently started daydreaming again about moving to another place because i desperately want to get away from hell. for fun's sake, i was wondering which would be more exciting; egypt, france or mexico?

i had this insane (but very cool) dream a while ago that my father traded me off to some mexican drug lord because he couldnt pay back his overwhelming debt. so, i, being the uncooperative strong minded woman that i am, refuse to leave and am kidnapped by said druglord's handymen or henchmen or whatever you call those big, burly men who always wear black and do everything their told. i am taken to this ridic palace where everything is just fantabulous and i am told that i am to marry druglord's son. naturally, protest lah! but when i meet druglord's son and find him to be like all men in dreams are found to be: dreamy (think rudy youngblood with long hair and half naked, running through forest. rararara) anyway, so yes we marry and move in together and i slowly start falling in love with him because despite his really wierd father who fixes an arranged marriage in the 21st century, he really is wonderful and lovely and my husband so whats not to love?

this could be a movie!! like a B rated one with lots of sex scenes to make up for lack of acting skill and bad story line i dont know. maybe i should give up school and become a writer....with less ridiculous material?
in my father's defence, he would never sell me off to anyone because ....... he knows no druglords. i think.

dont know why i wrote this but i dont feel like facing reality and gg back to life. ugh.
henchmen oh henchmen, where art thou?

s.o.s.

2008-03-31T05:58:00.000-07:00

i want to laugh and cry at the same time. i dont know whether to be optimistic or disgusted that everything has turned out so so wrong. this is not how anything is supposed to be. im not supposed to be here. not here not here not here. im not supposed to be unhappy. im not supposed to not be excited about the rest of my life. im not supposed to be here. not here not here not here. im supposed to be happy and satisfied and content and planning my future with much enthusiasm because thats what i worked really hard for. i dont understand. why is life so unfair? why do we get to hope and pray and look forward to things that will never happen? why are best friends so far away? why are some people such shallow bimbos? why do they get to make me feel so small? why am i stuck, stuck, stuck with no place to go. why is life so unfair.

im sorry if i sound ungrateful. i think thats my biggest flaw.

2008-03-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

today i found out one of my classmates, ariz, is named after arizona. his parents went there on a trip or something and they loved it so much, it became (half of) his name :)

how cool is that?

some surprise

2008-03-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

i thought nothing special was going to happen today but i was so so wrong.

i didn't realise i was so loved :)

i got some wicked, wicked presents too.

ahhh, im so happy, how to sleep?

thank you god for friends and family.

:):):)

eclipse of the heart

2008-03-17T01:22:00.000-07:00

when you look to the future
don't forget to write to me.
when your love starts to wonder
don't fret, i broke the seam
yes the night is so serene
just add kerosene

the nights in the sand dunes
carefree days and summer sounds
it's the way we built you
that house just won't come down
my faults
my feeble ways
my better days

we tried to hide from failure
the weather
we said we'd never fight
moon & Sun
what's done is done

‘cause we always felt so good, together
but the days just rolled on by
moon & Sun
we all move on
we all move on
we all move on
we all move on

tuesday night live

2008-03-12T04:21:00.001-07:00

I get by with a little help from my friends.

fun :)

" you must know... surely, you must know it was all for you...If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. "

oh darcy! was there ever a man more perfect?

dream with me.

in case you really hate reading

2008-02-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

i so badly want to see this film.

lisa hannigan (love love love her) & snow patrol's gary lightbody (eww)

2008-02-29T05:15:00.000-08:00

hello! yes, still no lousy pictures (am not camera-toting-everywhere-i-go-even-to-stupid-toilet-to-take-picxx-of-myself-in-mirror kind of girl) flagrant fact aside, i shall just bore you with yet another boring entry on....BOOKS!!

my mother was raving about a new book she had just begun reading and so, naturally, it stealthily crept from her bedside table to mine. sly little things...

anyway, although i am not a big fan of gabriel garcia marquez only because i didn't think one hundred years of solitude (yawn) or living to tell the tale (double yawn) were anything to lose sleep over. i especially thought living to tell the tale was rather like a very very monotonous old man trying to recount all his memorable moments in very very monotonous narration. i mean, lets face it, mid 1900's columbia was an extremely confusing period and who would want to read 533 pages of war after war, whore after whore, etc etc. however, since the man is a nobel prize winner, i cannot completely dismiss my dissatisfaction as a fault on his part.

back to the point, love in the time of cholera is a book so beautifully written that you feel almost immediately entranced in the most unlikely romance between a man and his woman, and a man and his origins. marquez writes truthfully, giving detailed observations that en capture the very essence of a character or situation. i dont want to search the book for an example so please just take my word for it.

and if you dont like to read...yay! the movie's out!

speaking of romance, im in a very good mood today so i think ill treat you to a list of...

Ana's BOOKS TO READ TO FALL IN LOVE WITH READING or.. just books you must read before you die and have no knowledge of the beauty of literature.

well geez, aren't you excited.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck, granted this is material for serious readers only (it took me three tries to actually finish the book from cover to cover) but once you get into it, my god you will rave about this book to everyone and anyone for months, maybe even years. how Steinbeck masters developing the simple retelling of cain and abel is...ingenious.

2. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, no praise needed. If you haven't already heard of this
book, i would very much like to know what planet you have been living on.

3. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, a modern piece thats touching, funny,
completely unbelievable, but worth losing a weekend's sleep over.

4. The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck, its either my love for anything Chinese or the author's
simple retelling of a simple life that made me fall so deep in love with this book.

5. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, see last 2 entries. will keep you happy for days.

6. Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell, there's a reason why its so famous and why
Scarlett O'hara is a universal icon for beautiful, haughty, pampered and delightful pain-in-the-asses.

7. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, a book to read even if you dont like to read. although
i couldnt finish this book on account of it depressing me to a point where i snapped at
anyone who was happy, this book will make you feel the pain and suffering of a drug addict
like no other drug in the world. (it has a happy ending so don't be too sad in the middle)

BOOKS TO NOTE

Pillars of The Earth by Ken Follett, although nowhere as marvelous as Steinbeck and with lots of boring bits on architecture, a rather interesting storyline that goes on forever annndd has very graphic sexual references. what a plus!

2. The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, a little confusing and a rather difficult read if
you are not an avid reader but an interesting insight on traditional vs. modern India.

That's really all I'll bother to put up (though i did miss mentioning other good reads) .
ill bet some of you have already clicked on a link to another blog and are browsing through the pictures of a camera-toting-everywhere-she-goes-even-to-stupid-toilet-to-take-picxx-of-herself-in-mirror kind of girl.

TRAITORS!!

pj has quite a good selection of books and im really excited about that. catch-22 is most likely my next en devour...a cult classic, hurrah!

i was just re-reading my post to check for spelling mistakes and realised....i am such a geek.
why are you my friend?

no, really.

valentine

2008-02-14T05:06:00.000-08:00

Chipmunks jump, and
Greensnakes slither.
Rather burst than
Not be with her.

Bluebirds fight, but
Bears are stronger.
We’ve got fifty
Years or longer.

Hoptoads hop, but
Hogs are fatter.
Nothing else but
Us can matter.

Donald Hall

best day this week by farrr :):):)

breathe deep

2008-02-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

not to sound lame or anything but this book has altered my perspective of the universe and the way i view life. its intelligent, spiritually uplifting and witty. preview!

“My thoughts turn to something I read once, something the Zen Buddhists believe. They say that an oak tree is brought into creation by two forces at the same time. Obviously, there is the acorn from which it all begins, the seed which holds all the promise and potential, which grows into a tree. Everybody can see that. But only a few recognize that there is another force operating here as well - the future tree itself, which wants so badly to exist that it pulls the acorn into being, drawing the seedling forth with longing out of the void, guiding the evolution from nothingness to maturity. In this respect, say the Zens, it is the oak tree that creates the very acorn from which it was born.

I think about the woman i have become lately, about the life that i am now living, and about how much i always wanted to be this person and live this life, liberated from the farce of pretending to be anyone other than myself...”

so, if you, like me, have nothing better to do on weekends, read this. it'll make you feel better about yourself. it's quite a selfish indulgence, this reading for personal pleasure, but i find myself happier when i pander to these little pleasures instead of seeking some other form of sure-waste-money therapy. i've made a sort-of-promise to myself to be more grateful and accepting of the universe and the way it works. apparently, all i have to do is eat well (no problems there!), pray and love.

other than that, school is a drag (for the first time in my life, i hate school) i miss my best friends, and i am loving lots of fun with my new laptop :)

pictures soon.

boo suck bang die

2008-01-24T19:51:00.001-08:00

english - A1
malay - A2
comb. humans - B3 :(:(:(:(:(:(:((((((
e. maths - B3 :(:(:(:(:(((
comb. science - A1
a. maths - C5 hahahaaa
art - B4 WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS?????

i know im extremely unstable right now but even if i were sane at this moment i still think i would be completely, absolutely, without a doubt mad/ outraged/ livid that i should get a 4 for art. i spent soooooooooooooo much time and effort and blood and sweat and tears and this is what i get??? plus i spent like 2 hours studying for a maths and i get a 5? what?!!? does anyone else see the injustice? art markers SUCK.

i woke up from a pretty much sleepless night with the most horrid puffy eyes. ive cried enough rivers to please justin timberlake and all i can do is hope and pray that i dont end up in yj where the food sucks and the history lecturer is scary. ive given up being pissy (after the above vent) cos i cant fight god and if he has other plans for me then whatever. faza, i really really want you and i to end up in the same place and then we can be bestest friends again like we were when we were in sec 2 and sing along to creed and 3 doors down and other long forgotten bands. and then we'll get like 4 distinctions for a's and tell everyone to kiss our beautiful behinds as we head off to carnegie-mellon or berkeley or cornell or some other disgustingly famous and prestigious institution.

i realise this is a very immature post.
so sue me.

fook

2008-01-24T04:52:00.000-08:00

Guitarist. Don't.Walk.Away. says:
so which jc?
bereft says:
try for ******
Guitarist. Don't.Walk.Away. says:
oh
Guitarist. Don't.Walk.Away. says:
can make it
Guitarist. Don't.Walk.Away. says:
lah
bereft says:
cop is 13
bereft says:
hope they consider charm and good looks!

happiness grows on trees from the deeds you seed

2008-01-12T20:34:00.000-08:00

smelly, mun hui, fiona, jesmine, shikin

our OG leaders: smelly, andrew, shikin & wei han

oh me oh my! i must remember to update more often but school has been so much fun and soo tiring at the same time, you forget these things. oh well.

jc life is different despite what ppl say about it being like sec sch. i disagree completely. its like 10 000x better with funnier teachers, more comradeship PLUS cute boys which we never had in kranji. ta ha ha ha.

when are our results coming out? im hoping never.

picture credits to JESMINE :)

happy new year!

2007-12-31T23:45:00.001-08:00

i've had the best start to a new year, yay!
2008 is gonna be great, i can tell.

school tomorrow ;)

2008?

2007-12-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

time flies when you're having fun.

but im warning you, we're growing up

2007-12-25T20:56:00.000-08:00

oh yeah

2007-12-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

does anybody know anybody who's going to yjc? if you are/do please give me a ring and then we can walk through the school gates holding hands or something.

2007-12-22T00:19:00.000-08:00

hello people!

im back! from the best trip ever ever ever. i went to so many places and saw so much and me being me, i didn't document much of my trip in pictures. aye caramba!

every trip away from home gives you a chance to take a break from everything you've been doing for the last 11 months and to really see how you've changed in that period of time. i think, to say the least, this past year has been a lot of things. its been nothing short of surprising with every month bringing its share of obstacles and oh shits and what-am-i-gonna-do's and most importantly, opportunities.

in these 3 weeks i've come down from my high chair to see the things that matter the most. i have 2 parents who do so much to provide for me, i've got a fun and incredibly loving family to fall back on and i have the rest of my life to live, laugh and make mistakes. i think happiness comes from within and right now, i am so so grateful for life.

first stop: san franciso & milbrae!

thousand-year-old sequoia's

next: sonoma & gilroy

and finally: green valley, ARIZONAA

1033 w. calle del vencejo

the golf course just downhill from my grandparents' backyard

shelby, ashley and i

ashley and chad

adam and our ugly rental

shelby, me, april, anders and adam

chad, shelby, april, silas and anders

tuscon

ashley's red truck

next: sedona!

finally: flagstaff

it was super cold like -13 degrees or something

arizona sunsets.

Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know
'cause it won't last - the worries will pass
All your troubles they don't stand a chance
And sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to know
Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know

happy christmas!

here's to us

2007-11-28T23:38:00.000-08:00

grad night '07

this took a really long time, please applaud.

waiting for ami at my place.

the malay girls minus a couple.

hannah lee, me and a horrible flash.

the 3 (fine..2) sweetest girls you'll ever know.

jas & josie

hafi & i

jas & hafi

LOOKman!

jenn & jas
the sweetest couple i know.

guess who?

our response to the lousy emcee.

sean & ami

prom queen material.

sexy and her lesser sidekick.

foooooofy.

the stooges.

khalis' swanky shoes.

jas, jj fat and a ghost.

handsome hakim.

khalis, jas and hakim.

ami, josie & i.

haha, look at that face.

my favourite picture.

huang mun! friends for 10 years and counting. i will miss you :(

zubiiiiiiii!

my favourite crowd.

pek! aww no more air-kisses... :(

jaspa' the gangstuh and jas.
he took away his neck scarf, boo.

racing, screaming all the way back to our room.

my lousy camera died on me at midnight so pictures of the next 3 days are with ami.
i suppose i'll post 'em when i get 'em.

shoot, grad night was so much fun i didn't want it to end. i had to put my mask back on towards the end cos my make-up was running from all the sweat from all the dancing from all the music from the dj. haha.

if i could remember only one thing about secondary school, it would be how the last two years of it changed my life. how the people and the experiences changed and shaped me the most. we have all grown so much together. its been the ultimate and i will miss my class and school.

thank you everybody.

josie posie rosie josie

2007-11-22T05:29:00.000-08:00

talking to a chicken really does help and i hope you have at least learnt that from me. as is with other equally important lessons ie. stop it you mofo; GET YOUR CRAP OUTTA HERE; you can't meet aerospace engineers on planes. taha! you've been a laugh and an excellent makan partner...yay! i owe you lontong -_-.

and and please stop your disgusting habit of mixing all mcdonald condiments.
ewwww.

in for the long haul

2007-11-16T06:20:00.001-08:00

2007-10-31T05:53:00.001-07:00